I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this boner is exhausting
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
