There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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