I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
