my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
