WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
