I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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