If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
