dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
someone owes me an orgasm
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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