My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
