I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize