we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
