it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
