Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
