Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
