You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
