if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
