The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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