You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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