when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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