i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
