I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
