I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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