do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
