Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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