i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
