pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he was CRYING into my vagina
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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