my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
