No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
