your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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