Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
