my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
