The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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