I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
