it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
