You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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