At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
