Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
