As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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