I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
