Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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