I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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