I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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