careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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