yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
