Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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