Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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