Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
