It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
