i wish peter jackson would direct porn
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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