Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
