I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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