She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
