There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
