Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
