i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize