Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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