I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
