Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize