dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
