With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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