I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
