I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
