Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
