I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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