can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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