this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
