i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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