she looked like the before picture.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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