Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
