If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The air taste purple.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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