WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
