You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
