I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
