Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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