Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
