Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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