then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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