i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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