sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
whose parrot is this?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
