Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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