i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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