Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
