I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
