Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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