Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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