The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
