it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
