I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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