The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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