so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
