dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
