I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
