Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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