First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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