Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize