How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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