I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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