Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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