So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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