put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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