Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
