There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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